What Lies Behind the Shape of You

The most terrible and wonderful thing that life does is that it shapes you.

All the problems, all the people, success, failure, luck, fame, illness or downfall; every single experience molds you.

What comes with it is a decision to make. Anything that life throws at you, you can choose however you want to react. And as Albus Dumbledore once said, these choices show us what we truly are.

Lately, life has been throwing me the biggest rocks. At first, I was angry. I often said what anyone experiencing the worst of times would say, “WHY?” I felt hopeless and irretrievably broken. All I saw was darkness and the death of hope. I succumbed to depression and tried to take my own life. Well, you can see that I failed. I guess a small part of me wanted to live so here I am now.

I continued to be a dead woman walking for a few weeks. Then one day, I woke up and found that I’ve become a version of myself from a parallel universe.

All I remember is that it was as sudden and as unexpected as the first roar of thunder. There was no specific reason at all, no great motivation or inspiration, no single cause of the change. Maybe it was because of what Dumbledore said, I don’t know. But one day, I woke up on the right side of the bed and lived my life with a little hint of sunshine from then on.

My best bet is that it took a while, but this version of myself right now is a work in progress of what life intends to mold me into. My traumatic childhood, my success in middle school, the hell I went through in college, my probing and nosy relatives, our financial issues, my depression, friends, home life, all the mistakes I made, all the right turns I took, my hard-working yet emotional mother and my lying, cheating, never-present yet responsible father: It all adds up to this. I’ve been treading a tightrope and now I’m at the middle of it. Through everything, I now realize how life shaped me.

For the longest time, I’ve blamed life and all other entities I can blame for trying to stone me to death with problems. At that time, it seems like the only thing I can do. I realize now that it was what I chose to do.

It’s not easy, it seldom is. But now I choose to shrug some things off, take on life and look at things through slightly-colored glasses.


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