Touch the Sky

The song “Touch the Sky” has been stuck in my head for about 3 weeks now. And because of this song, I often find myself looking up at the sky these days. With this newly formed habit, I start to find out more reasons to worship God.

See, if we just let go of our self-centeredness even for just a couple of seconds, we’d realize how great our God is. Look up at the sky. Its span is unfathomable and yet no one and nothing is beyond God’s reach. Can you imagine how God takes care of not only you, but all of his creation? Difficult to understand, but that’s just God’s grace at work. Look up at the sky once more. Not only does God take care of all of us, he also paints a different picture of the heavens everyday for us to enjoy.

As I sing the lyrics of “Touch the Sky” over and over again, the deeper its message sinks in.


I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Couldn’t have said it better. It is only through God that we find out who we truly are and what life really is all about. Laying down our life means surrendering; letting go and letting God use us for his purposes. As we kneel before God and let him write the story of our lives, everything will suddenly make sense and life will be full of meaning. We’ll touch the sky. The path we should take will automatically appear before us if we give the steering wheel to God.

You traded heaven to have me again

Who am I, Lord? That you’ll lay down your life in order to save me? I am no one. I am wretched and a sinner. I deserve death and suffering yet you still traded heaven, you traded a perfect life which you deserve for me to be able to join you someday. Your love is unfathomable, Lord.

Find me here at your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender

For me, these lines tell us that we often go astray. There will always be times when we feel weak and succumb to temptation. This is when God calls out to us again. He pulls us, and we’ll find ourselves at his feet again; begging for forgiveness which we don’t deserve yet he gives away easily anyway out of love. Because of this grace, we vow to reach out, keep close and surrender everything to him.

Even the whole expanse of the sky cannot cover how much your grace and love abounds in us. Thank you, Lord.

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when I see you again

My cousin died from a motorcycle accident.

i can’t even begin to comprehend what i’m feeling right now. I’m all out crying.

He was already a senior in college,just like me. Engineering. yeah, i know. i’ve heard the word “sayang” in his wake and funeral about a thousand times.

we weren’t really that close, but we always hung out and drink during holidays or whenever they drop by and give us a surprise visit. they live about 3 hours away but their family often stops by our house whenever they can. he was truly one of my favorites.

he was the jolliest. you would never see him frown. he always,always wears a smile on his face. he lightens up every room he enters. whatever you’re going through,he can brighten up your day. he has this weird intonation when he speaks which everyone absolutely adores. but most of all, he was kind. he was a good son, a good brother, a good cousin, a good friend.

I’ll be seeing you again someday. Let’s talk more,then. Bye for now,Pajo

This scar

I’m 19 years old and I hate that I always get so emotional about matters concerning fathers. In books, in movies, in tv series, especially in real life. It has always been this topic that made me cry the hardest. I get jealous of the people who have loving and supportive dads. I get angry at those who take them for granted. I empathize with the ones like me; the ones without fathers.

Let me tell you a story of how I lost my father.

I lost him even before the day I was born. I lost him the moment he chose to work abroad.

22 years ago, my father decided to work abroad in order to support us. i wasn’t part of the family at that time yet. i wasn’t even part of their plan. But my parents thought it was the only way to survive. And so he left and took with him all his chances of being a father to me except for one: supporting me financially, of course.

I can’t put to words how I feel inside exactly, but let me try…

know this: IT’S JUST SO GUT-WRENCHINGLY PAINFUL AND LIFE-ALTERING TO GROW UP WITHOUT A FATHER.

I have my mother, of course. And i love her so much. She’s my rock. I adore her. but every son or daughter with both their parents with them can tell you that it’s never the same if one is taken away.

Anyway, life still goes on.

and so, i grew up without the additional punishment and scolding sessions from a strict dad. but i also grew up without the additional love, concern, advice and guidance of a father. My heart secretly breaks whenever my friends talk about their loving fathers. There are some with clingy dads, supportive ones, but what I really like about dads is this: they’re protective. and that’s a sign that they truly love you with all their heart. They never want to see you hurt. They’d do anything for you. They want to take away all your pain. they’ll be by your side. See, I never had that. And my heart and soul cries out because of it. I also secretly get pissed at my friends whenever they take their dads for granted. They often forget how lucky they are.

I get pissed because I’m incredibly jealous. I will forever long for a father.

Don’t get confused. My dad’s still alive. He’s actually at home with us now. 45 days. It’s just plain awkward because there’s too much he doesn’t know about me. there’s this irretrievable 19-year gap between us.

Also,don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for what he’s done. i know how extremely difficult it is to be apart from your loved ones. Still, that does not change the fact that he’s only ever been a virtual father to me. Nothing can fix me. Nothing can fill the gap he left inside me.

I just want to tell you people with a complete and happy family how extremely lucky you are. always keep that in mind. Keep in mind that your parents shout at you because they care. Because they love you. those piggy back rides your father gave you when you were little? I will forever long for that. Always be thankful that you don’t have a scar in your heart like mine

Thoughts on books: The Catcher in the Rye

The catcher in the rye is somehow a narration of a certain part of the life of Holden Caulfield. Oh Holden Caulfield,my spirit animal. I guess I just instantly related to this book since the narrator was too cynical and lost just like me. Holden and I shared many values and I guess we both changed as I turned each page. I think it was the first time that I found it easy to decode certain metaphors in a book mainly because while I was reading The Catcher in the Rye, I was Holden. I was a lost cause, I was hopeless. I’m not just a spectator and I wasn’t a passive reader in this story. I felt like it was my own story,like I was weaving and deciding everything that happens next. I … Continue reading

Thoughts on books: To Kill a Mockingbird

My first ever classic read was To Kill a Mockingbird which was about how Atticus Finch and his children tried to fight racial prejudice.It nearly killed me with a ton of new words and I thank Harper Lee for it.This book was just outrageously well-written.The plot and the characters were all well-developed. I was practically an airhead back when I was reading this book almost 5 years ago but it made my heart swell. It made me angry.I guess To Kill a Mockingbird was the first book to make me realize that there’s such a thing as brutal inequality and racism.It felt like my soul suddenly combusted with all the epiphany.Certainly brilliant.This book got me into classics.

Thoughts on books: The Book Thief

The book thief tells the story of a girl whose love for words became her weapon in the war. Through all the struggles in the world of Nazis, Liesel Meminger found strength and hope in her family,friends,even neighbors and vice versa. What amazed me is how each character in this book taught me a different lesson. It taught me practically everything important:family, friends,neighbors,mercy,love,peace,words,meaning.This book is life and loss and everything.

Thoughts on books: Looking for Alaska

Looking for Alaska is a story about an awkward boy who ended up being friends with the most daring and extraordinary people. Their shenanigans inside and out of school turned out to be the things that taught them most about life.Looking for Alaska will always, always be my favorite book no matter what. Nothing can change the fact that it was the first book that I fell in love with.I felt alive in their world. Alaska was the first one to teach me everything I never knew I wanted to know.This book taught me things about life, death, suffering,friendship,loyalty and everything in between. It’s the first to offer me a different perspective.I laughed and cried so much because I wanted to be as bold as Alaska.This book will continue to live within me.It never ends.